The Blame Game

About Us

How do you respond when others start blaming you for results or experiences that are not what they had hoped for?

All of us have had experiences where something has gone wrong or has resulted in an undesirable outcome, and the response of others was to lay the blame on us. We ourselves have probably been tempted to do the same. This is nothing new in the human experience, nor in the experience of leaders. David had a similar situation in 1 Samuel 30:6. He and his followers had been living with their families in an area called Ziklag, which had been granted to them by Achish, a Philistine ruler, when David was alienated from Saul and “on the run.” Achish made David and his men personal bodyguards and had taken them with him to encounter Saul and Israel in battle. In the sovereignty of God, David and his men were sent back by Achish in response to the mistrust of other Philistine leaders, and in returning to Ziklag, found it had been raided by the Amalekites. Ziklag was destroyed, and all the families and goods of David and his followers were carried off by the Amalekites.

In 1 Samuel 30:6 in the midst of their grief, it says “David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in his spirit because of his sons and daughters.” In other words, they were playing the blame game! In their minds, it was David’s fault and David should face the consequences. How typical that our first response to trouble is often to find someone to blame! This response is a reflection of what happened when sin entered the world through the actions of Adam and Eve, both of whom sought to lay blame to others. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the snake, and we’ve been playing the blame game ever since!

Leaders aren’t exempt from this response, both in being tempted to blame others or to receive blame from others when things don’t go well or as expected. How should you respond when the immediate situation tempts you or others to blame and accuse? In times like this, a leader has the opportunity to model important qualities and inspire others in the process. Two areas in particular are important to focus on as you think of David and your own leadership experience.

The first is the opportunity to model INTEGRITY. If you want to be a leader that others will follow, you must be a person of integrity. Integrity builds trust because it says your walk and your talk agree, that your leadership is built on deeply positive character, that you are willing to accept not only praise but responsibility when things don’t work out like you or others desired, that you are willing to put the fault where it belongs including on yourself. So much of what we see in the lives of those in our society, in business, in relationships, and even in the church, lacks integrity. In the life of Jesus, what he said and practiced aligned at all times, even when tempted to do otherwise, even when it cost him the approval or support of others. His desire was to do the will of the Father and to be a blessing, not a blamer!

The second opportunity you have in times like the one David experienced is to model HUMILITY. Humility is one of the greatest strengths and influences a leader has. Contrary to the power broker mentality that would say domination, manipulation, and a strong authoritative presence are key to effective leadership, Jesus showed us that real strength and real influence flow from humility. Humility shows others you don’t consider yourself better than them, that you are willing to admit your faults or shortcomings and be transparent, that you are willing to learn from your mistakes, that your main focus isn’t on preserving your reputation and your own interests, but on being a person in community with others and for others. This again builds trust and inspires others to want to follow your leadership.

It’s so easy and so common to play the blame game, blaming our circumstance, our parents, our boss, our congregation or its leaders, our government, our external factors instead of our internal condition. And the blame game never brings good results, only makes things worse. David (v. 6) “found strength in the Lord his God” and with the Lord’s direction, found a solution and led his people to victory over their circumstances, glorifying God in the process.

Instead of finding excuses and blaming others, or when others want to direct blame your way, be a model of integrity and humility, and seek Christ instead of your own solutions. He will lead you in ways that will glorify him and inspire others to follow your leadership whether or not the circumstances are what they wanted or expected.

Carmen Kinniburgh

District Children’s Ministry Partner

Children’s ministry involves developing leaders, discipling children and families, exercising creativity, with an emphasis on fun and building relationships that help others to experience God’s love as they are loved by people who know God’s love. Carmen has served in children’s ministries as a volunteer, coordinator, curriculum writer, camp speaker, and pastor. Her desire in ministry and life is to help others (whether they be children, youth, or adults) to hear God’s voice and to experience the freedom and fullness of love found in knowing Jesus and living kingdom lives. Whether your children’s ministry is led by volunteers or a pastoral leader, Carmen would love to connect, build networks, support, resource, pray with, and provide care in whatever areas are needed.

Carmen lives in Vernon with her husband, Jeremy, and their two teenage kids. She loves playing soccer, hiking, camping, and theatre. She and Jeremy have founded two new ministries called Threshold Initiatives and Contributing Pastor.

Terry Ann Opperman

Official Worker

David has served at Lakewood Alliance Church since the fall of 2002, first as an associate, then as Lead Pastor starting in November 2005. David has been on various committees including DEXCOM, District Nominating Committee, a few General Assembly Committees, and the Rules Committee for District Conference. David has an interest in church governance and seeing healthy leaders serving on healthy boards in order to better equip and serve the church.

David and Tara are in the process of launching their three young adult sons and enjoy seeing the trajectories their lives are taking. David enjoys woodwork and getting out cross-country skiing in the winter.

Steve Schneider

Lay Person

Steve is a layperson and a member of Peace Portal Alliance Church in Surrey. He has been married to his wife Brenda since 1984. They have two adult daughters. He is an engineer by background and holds an MBA from Heriot-Watt University. He works in the paper industry and is also the President of SGS Consulting Ltd. He has recently become a licensed worker in the CPD.

Steve has served in varied ways over the years but has more recently been focussed on church board work. He served on his first church board 36 years ago. Since that time, he has served on four different church boards and the District Executive Committee of the CPD. Over the last 12 years Steve has actively been teaching and consulting with church and not-for-profit boards within and outside of The Alliance Canada to help them develop healthy governance practices.

Keith Cheung

English Lead Pastor at Burnaby Alliance Church

Keith was also an active member at Westside Calgary Chinese Alliance Church before moving to Vancouver to begin full-time pastoral ministry. After a brief stint pastoring in a church from another denomination, Keith began serving as the English Lead Pastor at Burnaby Alliance Church in 2017 where he continues to serve today.

Keith is married to Cecelia (20 years this year!) and they are raising 2 beautiful daughters (11 and 6) who they adopted from Taiwan and Korea respectively. He loves, in no particular order, cooking and eating and conversations, the Saskatchewan Roughriders, road cycling, family reunions, and good movies and music.

Carol Goh

District Chaplains Committee Chair

carol@mycac.ca

Carol Goh has chaired the District Chaplains Committee and served on the Association for Alliance Chaplains (AAC) National Committee since 2018. She completed her Masters degree in Chaplaincy in Spiritual Care from Trinity Western Seminary and is the Neighborhood Chaplain and Pastor for Seniors at Chilliwack Alliance. As a chaplain, Carol invests in the neighborhood (parish) around the church through connecting with those who live, work, and go to school there. She intentionally supports the local public elementary school and other local organizations so that together they can weave together the fabric of care for the inhabitants. The Goh household includes her husband Andrew, their three teenage sons, Andrew’s mother, and their golden doodle.

David Driedger

Board Leadership Training Partner

dave@lakewoodalliance.com

David has served at Lakewood Alliance Church since the fall of 2002, first as an associate, then as Lead Pastor starting in November 2005. David has been on various committees including DEXCOM, District Nominating Committee, a few General Assembly Committees, and the Rules Committee for District Conference. David has an interest in church governance and seeing healthy leaders serving on healthy boards in order to better equip and serve the church.

David and Tara are in the process of launching their three young adult sons and enjoy seeing the trajectories their lives are taking. David enjoys woodwork and getting out cross-country skiing in the winter.

Daren Wride

Transitional Pastors Network Coordinator

dwride@shaw.ca

Daren Wride has been serving in transitional roles since 2011. He has been on the ground as Transitional Pastor in multiple churches around the province and has engaged as a Transitional Coach with several other churches. Prior to his transitional work, Daren pastored three churches in Alberta and BC for a total of nearly 20 years. Daren has also spent time in the professional speaking and internet marketing worlds and usually has a related project on the go.

Geoff Stewart

District Youth Ministry Partner

geoffs@peaceportalalliance.com

Youth ministry is among the most demanding ministries in the church from a relational standpoint, serving young people who are defining the ever changing culture we live in. Leading in youth ministry is best not done alone, and Geoff desires to help our youth pastors serve and encourage one another through the sharing of resources, wisdom, experience, and perspective. In the ever-changing world of today’s high school student, it is vital for us as youth pastors to be changing with them to understand the world they are navigating and share with them the life changing truth of the Gospel.

Geoff has been a youth pastor for 6 years at Peace Portal Alliance Church and volunteered for 10 years before that in the same church. He is passionate about seeing young people transformed by Jesus and becoming leaders in their school and community. He and his wife Lavonne live in South Surrey with their cats Norman and Puff Daddy.

Andy Lambkin

Team Lead - Property Development & Nest Housing Society

andy.lambkin@gmail.com

Andy wears two hats in the Canadian Pacific District. He serves as our New Venture implementer, helping new communities of faith emerge across our province, and he also leads the Nest housing Society, a non-profit affordable housing society working with local churches to utilize their land for social good while fulfilling critical ministry priorities. If you have questions about either of these areas, please reach out.

Personally, Andy is married to Jolie and they have four kids. Residing in North Vancouver, they call simplechurches, a network of house churches, their church home.

Carmen Kinniburgh

District Children’s Ministry Partner

jckinnib@telus.net

Children’s ministry involves developing leaders, discipling children and families, exercising creativity, with an emphasis on fun and building relationships that help others to experience God’s love as they are loved by people who know God’s love. Carmen has served in children’s ministries as a volunteer, coordinator, curriculum writer, camp speaker, and pastor. Her desire in ministry and life is to help others (whether they be children, youth, or adults) to hear God’s voice and to experience the freedom and fullness of love found in knowing Jesus and living kingdom lives. Whether your children’s ministry is led by volunteers or a pastoral leader, Carmen would love to connect, build networks, support, resource, pray with, and provide care in whatever areas are needed.

Carmen lives in Vernon with her husband, Jeremy, and their two teenage kids. She loves playing soccer, hiking, camping, and theatre. She and Jeremy have founded two new ministries called Threshold Initiatives and Contributing Pastor.