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Manager of the Universe
To Whom It May Concern,
Re: My Resignation as Manager of the Universe
Though this is (at least) my third such resignation in the past 30ish years, I hope to make this my last. I realize I was never actually offered the job but my ego discerned a gap and decided to step up and fill in where needed. Turns out there wasn’t and isn’t a gap. Egos don’t have discernment.
Additionally, I’ve once again realized that I have a severe gift deficit when it comes to actually fulfilling this role, including but not limited to the absence of omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence.
Some additional data seems to reinforce the above limitations:
- Grinding teeth, which my dentist suggests is due to stress. “The teeth don’t lie!” he claims. Having snapped one nighttime mouth guard and flattened another one out like gold leaf I’m considering the remote possibility that he is right.
- CSR, central serous retinopathy, fluid build up under the retina of my left eye. Despite the many alternatives I offered, the ophthalmologist is adamant that it is stress-related. He’s probably in cahoots with my dentist.
- Tinnitus, incessant ringing in my ears. While that .300 Win Mag going off beside my head a few years ago probably contributed, there has been some suggestion that the ringing is exacerbated by my clenched jaws (see 1, above) and the resulting damage to my TMJ. Which means this condition is also, in the minds of the medical conspirators, “stress-related.”
Based on the above, I’m offering my resignation and embracing the call of 1 Peter to “Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you.” And I’m choosing to believe that unlike my mismanagement, His capable care encapsulates the universe, my universe, every universe.
– Daren Wride, Transitional Pastors Network Coordinator