Lather rinse repeat. Lather rinse repeat. Like it says on the shampoo bottle, I was caught in this cycle and couldn’t get out. It had been this way for a very long time. I prayed. I read my Bible and memorized Scripture, but I couldn’t get free. The shame was immense. I felt so dead inside and so empty. Jesus promised life, that was the invitation, and yet as a pastor I was not experiencing much of this at all. What is wrong? Is God holding out on me for some reason? And not only that, my marriage at best was struggling. We seemed so very disconnected and miles apart. Lather rinse repeat. Lather rinse repeat.
In December of 2013, I hit the wall. I couldn’t take it any more. I had just acted out with porn yet again, and as I wept uncontrollably in my living room, I knew that things could not continue. Sin management had to end. Brokenness and deep pain needed to be faced. God had so much more for me than lather rinse repeat. I was about to find out that God doesn’t help those who help themselves. He helps those who cannot help themselves! After all, isn’t the Gospel about rescue? Well, God was going to rescue me and while he would be faithful, the journey would not be easy.
So, let me tell you my story about porn. And of course, it goes without saying that no one is plunged into addiction over night. It takes time to get caught in the web of sin. But it happened. And it happened to me.
At around the age of 8, I stumbled across a pornographic magazine in my basement. I now understand how this initial exposure really set the evil one’s hook into my soul. As a teenager, my friends had older brothers who had magazines in their bedrooms. As a young adult, I started renting XXX videos and going to strip bars. This was before the day of the Internet, where you had to go out in public and risk being caught. Well, I took that risk, over and over again. I was hooked.
However, just before I turned 20, I had a powerful encounter with God. I realized that Jesus was the only one who could control my life without destroying it! And so, I prayed, “Jesus forgive me and take my life.” And he did. 3 months later I was off to Bible School. Two years later, I was married. Then, in 1997, I took my first job as a youth pastor. And for quite a few years, I was porn free.
Sadly, this all changed with the Internet, as it was all too easy to click that button. I told myself that my once a month or so porn habit was much better than many other people, and because of this, it really wasn’t that much of a problem. And for many years, as a pastor, it was all about lather rinse repeat. Lather rinse repeat.
That is until the events of 2013, because for the first time, I came clean and admitted that I had a problem. That God had so much more for me! This was huge and was really the first step, because Jesus cannot heal what we do not acknowledge. And now, as I write this I have been porn free for a few years. Jesus set me free. He has taken my mess and given me a message. And he can set you free. We don’t have to settle for lather rinse repeat. And in next month’s article, I am going to tell you how I got free. And how you can get free. No more lather rinse repeat.
