Saul’s son Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth. He was five years old when the news came from Jezreel that Saul and Jonathan had been killed. The woman who cared for Mephibosheth picked him up and ran away. But while running away, she dropped the boy, and he became crippled in both feet. (2 Samuel 4:4)

You can get free! No more lather rinse repeat. You don’t have to live your life soaked in the waters on the shampoo bottle! While I am not the “porn expert” I believe that there is a path forward, a path to freedom. And so, in a nutshell I want to share with you how I got free from the grip of porn.

Disclaimer: I am assuming that the Scriptures, prayer, and accountability are already part of your life. While these things are important, they are in many ways, the bottom rungs of the ladder when it comes to following Jesus. Due to space, I will not be able to address these in this article, but will instead look at a few things that are often overlooked. So, here we go!

1. COME CLEAN. It’s so easy to make excuses. To compare ourselves with others, and to be experts when it comes to sin management. Stop! Here’s the deal…Jesus will not heal what we do not acknowledge. And so, if we make excuses, we essentially place ourselves outside of the deep work that Jesus desires to do in our lives. The damn broke in my life when I came clean. When I surrendered to the truth that I had a problem. Let me just shoot straight with you (you might want to stop reading). Any dose of porn is a problem.
2. IT TAKES TIME. Simply put, you were not plunged into addiction overnight and you will not get free overnight. And yes, I know that I just used the word addiction, which might offend some of you. However, what if addiction was not just the heroine addict on the streets of East Vancouver? What if addiction was defined as continuing in behavior that hurts you and those that you love? Let me also stress, that while you might have an addiction, you are not your addiction. You are in Christ as God’s beloved (John 1:12).
3. KNOW YOUR WOUNDED STORY. Like Mephibosheth, who was dropped early on in life, how have you been dropped? What is your wounded story? I want to propose that most of the wounds in our lives are linked to our family of origin. This is not to slam mom or dad; it’s just to say that no family is perfect. I’ve heard it described as whacks or lacks. A whack is a major traumatic event that happens. Think of trauma with a capitol “T”. A parents divorce, the death of a sibling, sexual or physical abuse. A lack is also devastating, but it is death by a thousand cuts, or what can be described as trauma with a small “t”. A dad who was never there, moving frequently, not having close friends, feeling rejected and alone. Just know that trauma is usually laid down early on in life. To use the iceberg illustration, we need to look at what is below the water line. We need to know our wounded story.
4. FACE YOUR PAIN. Porn and sexual sin is about medicating the pain in our lives. In the words of Brene Brown, “We are the most addicted, medicated, obese, in debt, and busy adult cohort in human history. We are all numbing.” On January of 2014, my wife and I started a two year program through a ministry called Pure Desire Ministry International. While this journey was incredibly rewarding, I can honestly say that it was one of the hardest things that we have ever done, as facing the pain in your life is never easy. What’s easy is to numb and to medicate. What’s hard is to press into the pain to get through the pain. And yet, through it all, we encountered Jesus as healer.

Whoever you are, know this…there is help for YOU. There is a way forward for YOU. I plead with you to come into the light. To not believe the lie that this is the way that it will always be. GOD HAS MORE FOR YOU. MORE FOR YOUR MINISTRY. MORE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

No more lather rinse repeat. Know that my wife and I are available to have a confidential conversation with you. Whether you are a pastor who struggles, or a spouse who has been impacted through porn, we are available to chat. Just shoot me an email at byron.oneill71@gmail.com or call me at 778-829-0441.